Zen Influences

Lev Toomanyletters is a tall, fair, friendly calmly spoken Russian Jewish A.I programmer in his mid twenties, who’s been dedicated to his practice of Zen meditation and Ashtanga yoga (practicing six days a week) for over a decade. He seems calm and has an endearing nervous laughter that often punctuates his speech.

We first met at Grassroots in 2015, and spoke about the similarities between Zen Buddhism and Jewish Mysticism (Yes there are). We stayed in touch and over this past year, he’s taken me to do Ashtanga yoga and also to a whole day Zen Buddhist mediation group, both of which were really interesting and challenging, each for different reasons.

The the self-directed Ashtanga yoga was new to me, although I had done a course of Ashtanga, but it was in a class, so this time around with Lev, it challenged me to remember the sequences and my memory and coordination.

The Zen meditation group was great, I’d never done Zen styled meditation before, so it was really interesting and difficult for me to simply stare at a wall for twenty minutes at a time, for a whole day, but the experience was peace inducing and heart expanding.

This year, following a particularly painful brake up, Lev decided he would escape London, and see where the wind took him. I’ve been following his activities via Facbook and I’ve watched him pop across the world, hopping from one cool A.I/Start Up/ 2.0 related conference to another, with nothing more than a suitcase.

I met up with him at the UK Limmud Conference, before he flew to Moscow to see his divorced parents for the New Year and then back to Brazil to see his new girl friend.

Max: I’m creating a resource to teach people how to be happier and I’m aware that you’ve been on a journey with Zen and Yoga and wondered what you could tell us?

Lev: I’ve been doing different practices, but I’ve been doing them to survive (he laughs)! Some people need to exercise once a week but I need to exercise every day to stay healthy. I have to do something with my self, like to meditate or do yoga every day, because otherwise I have too much nervousness or anxiety. Maybe it’s because I also set myself challenges, like I’ll study hardcore mathematics, which requires focus for six hours a day, and the only way I can do it is by mediating everyday. Some people take pills, I meditate.

Max: How did you originally get involved with Zen meditation?

Lev: I came to Zen meditation specifically, because I read a book (Miyamoto Musasi Letter of Zen Master to the Fencing Master), when I was fifteen, about the Samurai. The Samurai warriors were able to do these amazing feats, they were famously fearless in battle, so strong, they were like superheroes, and I wanted to be like that.

I thought that if I did meditation I would be able to have iron focus, be able to understand people and do all of those things, but in reality, it just made me cry, especially during meditation. Zen meditation made me more sensitive to all things and to people. Unfortunatley, it didn’t make me into a superhero, instead, it made softer and happier, much more calm and able to enjoy simple things in life.

So the results were quite the opposite of what I expected but I now understand why; the Samurai warrior, must train themselves to be in some sense already dead. And by accepting what is, they are fearless in battle, because they have given up all of the regular human hopes and expectations and stand clearly and sharply in the present moment.

Max: Has Zen meditation made you less dependent on external things to be happy?

Lev: What I’ve discovered is that I need less “stuff” to be happy. This year, for example, I’m practicing living with less, a lot less. I’ve been living with what I have in a suitcase, and I think I could live with even less and still be happy. So Zen has made me feel less dependent on material things.

But on reflections, I’m not sure it was just the meditation that made me less dependent on material things. Yes it did get me started in that general direction, but what was most influential to this development and the experience that changed me a lot and in my relationship to material things, was actually a social experiment and performance I took part in Selfridges’ on Oxford St in London a few years ago.

At the time, I was hanging out with this group called ‘Space Hijackers’ in London and the European Social Forum and ten of us went into the Selfridges and this one guy, who was pretending to be ‘preaching’ to us from the big staircase told us to find some desirable object that we really wanted.

I found these really cool Levi’s jeans, and then he told us we had to fall on our knees and pray in full voice:

“Levi’s jeans make me complete…without you I am a useless human being! One day I’ll be able to own you. You make me whole!”

And we did this, while there were people around us, continuing to do their shopping. I still can’t go to that shopping mall now.

It was the process of following that consumerist desire and logic to its natural conclusion: You had to get something you really genuinely wanted, and when it was there in front of me, and I had to express my own deep lack, that the object of my consumer desire seemed so obviously shallow and empty. It’s since then, that I’ve managed to really get the need for mindless consumerism out of my system.

It was such a strong experience, and obviously amazing fun too, we got kicked out of the shop by the security of course. But it’s been since then, that I made a real decision to want and to have less stuff in my life.

I suppose that sometimes, you need to buy a Ferrari to get it out of your system.  Well that’s what people in the Start Up scene say, they say you buy a Ferrari and then you stop caring about money. That’s the usual techie success story. The experience of holding these desirable object in my hand and announcing to the world my own inadequacies, really made the realization that material stuff can’t make me happy much deeper in me, it was really life changing.

 

Max: So this anti-capitalist protest helped you realise that “buying stuff will make you happy” is a lie? So since you seem to have embraced minimalism, travelling the world and living out of a suitcase?

Lev: Yes, [gesturing to his suitcase] its got a yoga mat, a smart suit, some socks and spare laptop in it, and that’s pretty much it. A while back, I read this blog about a guy that only had a backpack, I felt inspired and somehow it seemed cool, well kind of cool on one side, but on reflection one could also see it as kind of narcissistic and a first world luxury, to be able to afford it.

You see, you have to have enough money to be a minimalist, to rent an AirBNB, so I’m not sure how genuinely minimalistic it is, but it is nice to have less possessions generally to cart around the world all the time.

I currently only ever have one book with me that I’m reading, and when I’ve finished it, I always give it away it to somebody.  If I get given something as a gift, I either try to consume it or give it as a gift to somebody else.

This whole year I’ve been travelling around the world mainly because I got dumped, in the process of breaking up I had this realization that I’ve only been single for three months in the passed fifteen years, that I’ve almost always been in a relationship, and that in some ways, I’ve been unable to survive as a single person, that I just didn’t know how to do it.

And so I wanted to find some other way to live, as a single person this year, just to prove to myself that I could, and the only way I thought I could do it, was if I always have a ticket out of town, so I’m not going to end up ‘marrying’ anyone, because I’ve got a ticket to ride. I’ve survived a year this way, and I haven’t married anyone. Although, now I’m going back to Brazil because of a girl I met there, so maybe I’m failing? who knows?

Max: Is this the same pattern of minimalism? tied into the idea that not only material things can’t make you happy but perhaps relationships can’t make you happy either?

Lev: I need to find a way to be happy without relationships, just now, being able to leave a relationship and know that I’ll still be happy. I will survive but I don’t know if I’ve learnt it yet.

Max: What I’m really asking is, has this path, not just travelling around the world this past year, having minimal possessions and not being in a long term relationship, has that been influenced by your Zen practice?

Lev: I think, if we’re totally honest, people probably end up choosing different practice because of who they are.

I think it’s why I was attracted to Zen, because Zen is into minimalism and not having too much of an impact, this just fits my personality. There’s something about both the Japanese culture (Zen) and Indian culture (Ashtanga Yoga) that resonates with my own personality as they both empathize being humble, not having a big ego, being soft spoken and these kind of character traits. I think it’s just because it suits me and my character, so I’m attracted to things that teach me to be the way I am already, but better.

That’s why I’m wary about prescribing the specific practices that have worked for me, it to anybody, because there are so many different ways to express yourself and to come to this, Zen and Ashtanga are things that worked for me.

Some people like swimming, some people like mediating, some like climbing mountains and similar things. Some people like buying a boat and training neighborhood kids, some people like building temporary structures and teaching Indian kids programming. Different people like different things. But they all bring people to the same goal.

 

Max: As much as you’re promoting a relativistic path, what are the best things that you’ve learnt in Meditation and Yoga that you wish you could teach others?

Lev: Everyone I meet, I secretly want to sit them facing a wall [Zen style of mediation] and make them do a Zen meditation, because it would take thirty seconds to learn and it takes no effort on my part and no effort on their part either, doing nothing for fifteen minuets.

It’s something I’ve been doing personally for more than ten years. And everyone I meet I want to teach them how to do it. It takes no time and it’s not some secret meditation. You don’t have to go on retreat and pay five thousand pounds for a mantra or something silly like that. The practice of Zazen is something that I definitely want to spread around.

But then once I teach them how to do it and tell them to do fifteen minutes of Zazen everyday that’s where my role ends, then, they have the tools and they can do whatever they want with it. Just as long as the spine is straight, then they can focus on ‘everything and nothing at the same time’, which are the impossibly difficult instructions to follow, of course.

I say: “Simply face yourself and be frustrated for fifteen minutes and see how it goes away, it’s a very nice experience.”

I don’t think I can teach somebody to think positive thoughts immediately, or to write thank you notes, that’s a harder skill to transfer and teach people, but that is something that helps me. Writing Thank You notes, trying to think positively and things like that.

Max: So your advice to the world would be: Do fifteen minutes of Zazen every day? Face the wall and face yourself? Anything else?

Lev: Yes, face ‘yourself’, or whatever fantasies or other illusions you might have (he laughs). Fifteen minutes of Zazen everyday before bed is good!

I also really like yoga, Ashtanga yoga is great, for me it’s a meditation too, I do the same thing every day and it becomes a meditation. Because you don’t have to follow some dude with a microphone in the front [of the class] you just do it yourself.

Just facing yourself at that time. With yoga I can get in touch with and discover the boundaries of my own body, it’s a way of me asking myself, how is my body different every day and what’s happening in my head, it’s quite good in that way.

I also enjoy chanting ‘Kirtan’ and in fact all the singing and chanting practices, I like to sing ‘Shema’ or ‘Harie Krishna’ or any Christian chants, it’s nice to do it by yourself and it’s nice to do it in community. I really like chanting together. I don’t really care about the meaning so much, I believe that they all have the same meaning ultimately, somehow.

I also would recommend something called “Restorative Yoga”, I do restorative yoga every Saturday, sometimes with myself, sometimes with somebody else. To do restorative yoga by yourself you need quite a lot of cushions and things like that. But if you go to a yoga studio and to a class it’s amazing, it’s called “restorative yoga” specifically and you hold a pose for ten minutes, and just lie there and make yourself comfortable. Then people put lots of blankets on top of you for ten minutes and the teacher wakes you up and moves you to the other side or position. In a way, it’s like my Shabbat ritual, it’s completely a cherry on top of Shabbat, to do nothing and pay someone to help me relax. In the class people are relaxing and there’s slow music and nice relaxation.

Something that I’ve learnt, is that relaxation is the key to energy. Practicing relaxation techniques is really nice and important in the evening. For example ‘shavasna’, which is the ‘corpse pose’ in yoga, it’s lovely and I do twenty minutes of ‘shavasna’ everyday. Lying still on the floor for a minimum of twenty minutes. This practice comes from restorative yoga, they say, “it takes ten minutes for the body to relax, and ten minutes of bliss.” Just lying on the floor still, with a pillow under your head, maybe some things under your arms, and a blanket over you. Being covered is very important, because it makes you feel like you’re safe.

After the Restorative yoga, I feel loved, but I haven’t seen my mother, or anyone else, I just feel loved, and it’s very strange. I’ve just spent an hour with some blankets and I already feel loved, how could it be? Nobody’s loving me, apart from me, myself, because I’ve spent an hour loving me. But nothing external happens but I feel loved and it’s very nice, from just being relaxed in cocoon.

It’s all parasympathetic, even the Ashtanga yoga I do every morning, I do it in a calm breath, so it shouldn’t be to fast. So I’m working on my parasympathetic nervous system and not triggering my adrenals.

It’s because I’m a nervous person in real life and I have enough stresses, for example I don’t like horror movies because they’re too stressful for me. So I do all of this work on calming myself down, and it works.

Max: I’ve come across this idea that Relaxation is a form of Redemption, or enlightenment.

Lev: They say that Buddha is ‘not too loose and not too tight’, so the ideal thing is balance, so I wouldn’t want to be in a state of ultimate relaxation all the time, because I’d be almost sleeping, or dissolve or be a furry hibernating animal.

But relaxation is nice and gives me a sense of genuine balance, there’s not enough relaxation in our lives, unfortunately we don’t live on a tropical island where we can chill all the time, and even the people in Hawaii, who you’d think would be relaxed, are actually quite stressed.

It’s just something that’s missing in our Western culture. Yes, I have my own ambitions but to balance those out, I have to do relaxation too. Relaxation isn’t really the ideal state, remember ‘not to tight not too loose’ the Buddha said. So when I get out of Yoga and I’m still in a trance, that’s not it, that’s too relaxed, it’s probably half an hour later that’s the best moment, when I’m more awake and actually see what happening.

Max: So you’re almost doing all these things to overcome a natural nervousness?

Lev: Yes, if as a child I went swimming every day of the week, maybe I wouldn’t be as nervous maybe? If I didn’t grow up in a big city, but grew up on a farm, maybe I’d be more balanced and I wouldn’t have to do all these practices? who knows?

People who do yoga each day, have something going on, no one comes to Zazen dancing, but because they have some kind of crisis in life, no one feels so happy and dances in to the studio thinking ‘hey let’s do this thing’, people come to solve some sort of problem, you have to have some kind of question that needs to be answered.

 

I thanked Lev for his time and for being so open and honest and let him get back to prepping for a lecture, but what the interview reminded me was, it is possible to live differently, that with fifteen or twenty minuets of practice every day we could change our lives.

Admittedly facing a white wall for fifteen minutes a day and having a practice of daily deep restorative yoga, may not sound like the quickest path towards happiness or enlightenment, or everyones’ cup of tea. However, both of these practices can significantly and seriously reduce your unconscious stress and internal mental noise, and go a long way to ironing out those low lying stresses.

I found doing Zazen for a whole day was really inspiring, and for a few weeks after I felt it was important enough to do every day. What it does do is stop you, slow down your minds chatter, and question that sense of mild panic that I should be running around like a headless chicken trying to achieve something out there in the ‘real world’.

You obviously don’t need a Buddha statue, or special robes or cushions, what you need is to simply stare at a blank wall, until you get bored, and nonetheless stay there for a bit longer, and then a bit longer.

Zazen reminded me that the greatest task in life is to climb those internal mountains, to face that deafening silence just beyond our internal panic filled rushing, to sit and go nowhere for a while, it’s okay to do nothing and to calm down and breathe.

It’s practice even for a few weeks showed me that my underlying need to be productive, and the running away from boredom, was really an escape from facing that internal and expansive peace that is already present in just being.

I felt grateful to Lev for his Zen Influences.